elite runners draft and express intimacy while running a marathon

#148 "Racing Tips #4: Drafting"

Newbies, I must warn you that not every runner likes someone drafting on them. Even though it's a perfectly legal racing strategy, some will find it annoying, and think of you as a parasite. In order to shake you, they might bark at you, spit into the wind in hopes of spraying you, fart profusely, launch snot rockets, stop short, and even forget to run tangents. Any form of intimacy is impossible at that point. Best to be quiet and find someone else to run behind. Seek feelings of closeness with volunteers at water stations instead. When someone hands you a cup of water, look into their eyes and say "I love you, volunteer. You're there for me, and I'm eternally grateful. Let's be friends, forever and ever." Then hand them one of your cards that have your email address and mobile phone number on them. You're race will be filled with joy. When you're done running, you will get lots of emails and phone calls from your new buddies. Whether it be a 10k, marathon, or ultramarathon, every runner should go home feeling connected to humanity.

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