a runner over-lubricates his nipples with anti-chafing balm before running marathon

#152 "Racing Tips #5: Keep It Under Control"

Back in the first year of my running, after my first ten-mile run, my nipples were raw and bleeding—a case of mega-chafing or "nipshred." Soon after, I went to the local running store (the now-defunct Running Heritage in Providence) to shop for shoes. I noticed the guy working the store wore a race t-shirt; my gut told me that I could trust this guy. So, I sidled up to him, shielded my mouth from those who could read lips and whispered "what do you recommend for sore, bleeding nipples?"

Embarrassment filled my mind and body. I felt my face go into a deep blush. I was at his mercy. He could have chewed me up and spit me out with sarcastic ball-busting (the sport of choice in Rhode Island).

He laughed and said "Ah, bleeding nips, huh? Common problem for beginners. You need RunLoob!"

He got me some and we conversed over the sale. He turned out to be a solid runner that would go on to win many local marathons (sub 2:20) and races, and even make it to the Olympic trials. I left the store; my nipples felt safe and protected and were able to flourish and be happy.

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Crusted Salt comics by Jimmy Brunelle