a comic with a salivary gland runner spraying an eyeball runner with saliva in a race

#41 "Never Saw It Coming"

If I were to look quickly at myself in a mirror, I would say that my nose is the body part that could most be described as anthropomorphized. It truly speaks for itself, not through its nostrils, but its length. I'm no Cyrano or Pinocchio, but it's the only thing on me that my wife ever mentions as being big. It is big, so I take it in stride and take pleasure in her playfulness.

There are some people that want noses that are cute as buttons, but some of the most attractive people on the planet have big ones. I am not one of the most attractive people on the planet, not even on the street on which I live, nor in the house in which I live, but my nose has something to say: Deal with it, dude. Don't judge the whole being by the length of his schnoz, but by the quality of the nasal etiquette. Did he cover my sneeze? Did he blow me gracefully and with style? Does he trim my hairs?

Nose job? No. Change the nose and the one fan out there who saw me in the short film Solo (as Ben) wouldn't recognize me and would be forever disraught, as I have been about several actresses who got drastic nose jobs and completely changed they're appearances. Why? Why? Why? You were so beautiful to begin with...I guess their new noses are yelling at me like mine does to others. Deal with it, dude. But I don't want to. I want them to change their noses back to the way they were!

For meeeeeeeeeeee!

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Crusted Salt comics by Jimmy Brunelle