a cartoon with a leprechaun runner jogging to a port-a-potty shaped like a portabella mushroom

#87 "For The Little Dudes In The Forest"

When there is the great outdoors with many trees around behind which to do one's business, why would a leprechaun need a port-a-potty?

For starters, leprechauns eat in the forest, and you know the old saying about expressing certain bodily functions where one eats. Leprechauns actually started that adage. It was initially a rebuke of a human being who was squatting off a forest trail and went something like this (in Irish): "Ní gá do thoil cac nuair a ithimid, an duine balbh." The translation of it being something like, "Please don't void your viscera where WE eat and LIVE, dumb human." Obviously, the dumb human found the statement rather delightful and passed it on. It eventually evolved into a warning not to commit adultery with, rob, or copulate with the sheep of, one's neighbors. Personally, I believe this should be the second most important of life's rules after the well-known golden one found in The Bible. Since there really can't be a second Golden Rule, I suggest that it be called The Titanium Tenet.

Overall, leprechauns are pretty well dressed in their green or red jackets, matching knickers, fancy tams, gorgeous boots, and an occasional tie. Any being who has pride enough to look good all the time usually finds going behind a tree behavior fit for barbarians and drunks. It also increases the probability of soiling one's clothes. Even though leprechauns have magical qualities, this doesn't mean they like to be bothered with cleaning spells. Who wants that? Time wasted.

Lastly, though some hang with others of their kind, most leprechauns are solitary creatures. They like their privacy. Often, they prefer the same portabella-potty, and sometimes have psychological problems going anywhere else (a.k.a. bputóg cúthail or shy bowel). Most leprechauns understand this and don't make fun of timid poopers, even human ones. In fact, it would be considered boorish to even comment on anyone's business in the 'ol mushroom-a-loo.

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Crusted Salt comics by Jimmy Brunelle